Have you ever been jealous? Just green with envy?
I often feel that I live in a constant state of jealousy. It isnt easy being green let me tell you. My daily mantra is "Thou shall not covet they neighbors house" repeated.
I know the look on my face when I hear jealous news. My face freezes up a bit and I try to smile and choke out a "oh how nice"
When I have a moment alone I try to process the news. I count my blessing and try to be thankful for my wonderful husband and and my wonderful children. I have a good relationship with my parents and most of my family even my in laws for the most part. I am healthy. We have made different choices right?
I have my daily struggles. I do everything I can to raise happy healthy, well adjusted, boys that will be strong great men someday. I am investing right?
I dont get much time to myself. I cant tell you the last time I got 7 hours of sleep let alone 8 or even 10. I average 3 straight most nights. 5 is a celebration.
I cant tell you what I ate at my last meal it was while I was trying to keep Joseph from tearing the kitchen table apart and answer Derek's 1 million questions. I dont know the last time Dominic and I were alone for a meal, a movie, a nights sleep.
No grand vacations. ( A family Disney cruise can you beat that!?!) no nice electronics (we had to buy the floor model) no fancy gifts or trips for occasions ( I get cards from Albertsons up the street) I could go on and on but I'd depress myself.
The funny thing is I dont recall EVER seeing anyone look at me with a jealous look on their face. Maybe others hide it better than I do. Or maybe nothing is particularly envious about me or where I am.
I have been trying to deal with this jealous for some time. I honestly cant seem to stop it. All that will cure it is when I get a turn.
The Lord is trying to teach me to be patient. He gave me Joseph and his issues to teach me about patience. I am where I am to learn. I am trying. Phew I am.
I guess you'll know I have made when this green has faded a bit.
1 comment:
Tamm: I think everyone gets jealous. I think it's normal for lots of people; it's just different degrees or for different reasons. Seems to me as long as you truly value what you have, little or a lot then you are a lucky person. It's all relative. The things you want (you being anyone) will either give you the iniative to go for it and grab it or you'll just wait for them to come to you. Since that isn't likely to happen, you have to reach for it. I think you have a lot if you ask me. It might not be material, but you have something a lot of people in this world do not. A loving family, a place to call home, great kids and a good husband. It could always be worse. :) That's what a very smart person told me recently, and I think he was right. It's all relative. Chin up missy.
Love ya.
Jenn
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