I am not our Fica score.
I am not the amount that we owe on credit cards.
I am not the numbers on the scale.
I am not the balance in our checkbook.
I am not my age.
I am just me.
Sometimes these numbers define me. Make me crazy.
Our debt is major to us. We worry, we fret, we look at and do the best we can to make the payments. Our debt is, a trip to Monterey we needed the week before Joseph was going to have an MRI as a one year old. We needed as a family to get away as best we could.
Our debt is a ring purchased for a me and a watch for Dominic for our 10 year anniversary. 10 years of so much we had gone thru and never went to bed angry, never slept in separate rooms unless a small child or the army made us.
Our debt is some birthday parties for the boys, some groceries, some gas when months were tight.
We didnt get it over night it has taken us a few years to accumulate it and it will take a few years to pay it all back. It's just the way it is.
The numbers on the scale are from 2 pregnancy during very high stress times, two children born with life threatening conditions in the first years of life we had to work thur and get to the other side when me and my body was not a priority. Too many hours sitting by the computer researching for Joseph. Too many meals eaten on the run on the way to therapy. Too many nights Dominic just swept us up and out to eat. Again I did not wake up and all of the sudden weigh this much and it wont go away over night either.
My age gets to me sometimes I cannot believe I am 35 years old already. I feel like life is going so fast. But I have done a lot in 35 years I have seen a lot, endured a lot. I wouldn't trade the age I am now to be 18. While I have more stress and worries than I did when I was 18 I use to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders for no good darn reason.
I am trying to let go of these numbers and not let them define who I am I have spent too much of the past year doing that and what did it get me? I think just bigger numbers.