I never use that "best friend" phrase. Until recently.
I have wonderful friends, great friends, friends I have had for so very long. Friends I just cant imagine not talking to for months like Shauna, Valerie, Carla, Buffie, Roz, Liz, Jim, these are great friends that truly always lift me up.
But my bestest friend is 3000 miles away. We never do lunch, we dont hang out at the mall (wouldn't that be a dream?!!) we don't even talk on the phone all that regularly. But she is with out a doubt my bestest friend. I think of her several times a day. She doesnt just pop in like Carla does "I need to call her, wonder how her weekend was?" it's more of a "Jen can you believe I just did this" and I honest to God hear her laugh. At least the laugh she once had. It's changed. She has changed. She is not the person she was 8 years ago when I left her.
We all have been thru so much in 8 years. Some good, some bad, some great. She has too.
I can tell you stories that will make you laugh till your sides ache at Jenn soda bottles, draino bombs and taxes. I can tell you stories about that will have you crying. But they aren't MY stories to tell. They are so hers.
Jenn has Ivan her hubby, Noah her first born fisty son,Lucas her second born and Jacob her third. I remember calling her after Lucas was born and hearing him cooing and crying in the background. I was pregnant with my second. She was tired, it was overwhelming. I didn't know he had a heart problem. It brought me to my knees as she began telling me. Heart surgery? You cant operate on my baby's heart that is a major organ. I was in a fit of worry and wonder. I wanted to be there, I wanted to help her. As the months went by I read online about Lucas, I read about him being transferred from Virginia to Philly. What was going on? I saw pictues of a very sick baby. What to do what to do? Pray I thought yes lots of prayers. Hug the babies, yes hold them and never let them go.
I could tell things were not going well, they were losing him. I could feel it. There was nothing I could say or do, nothing anyone could say or do. Brace yourself. Hold on to something. It happened. The email, the posting, Lucas had passed. I grabbed Joseph. I feel to my knees. I paced the house crying, sobbing. I hugged Derek, I waited for Dom to come home. I handed him Joseph "Here hold him and never let him go"
Lucas never got to have a birthday party. Never ate a happy meal. Never ran thru the water sprinklers. While I know in Heaven he's doing all of that and so much more I just wish he was here playing with his brothers. Jenn says she knows, feels that he is with them every day. I believe that. And it's funny whenever I see butterflies especially white ones I think that Lucas is stopping by to say hello to his mommies best friend.
I believe that with all my heart.
1 comment:
Well. You just brought me to tears in one fell swoop.
THANK YOU for remembering him like not many people do. You never got to meet him in person yet you get this almost better than anyone else.
It makes me sad that we are so far apart. I think we would be probably inseparable (as much as we could take :)) and it would be so good for the boys. All my crazy rules and all of your laid backedness mixed together; much fun. Much banter.
I see you as one of my if not my dearest, best friend barring Ivan and my sisters. I look up to you, know that you have been through some trying times as well, get mad at you, laugh with you, GET you, don't get you, think you're the best, and know without a shadow of a doubt that you are an incredible mom. Someone I would want to be around because at the end of the day, we're really a lot alike, even with the differences, we have the same type of values and morals for our children...and we get the same stuff; humor, unspoken meanness....all of it.
Thank you for being you. And remembering. I know we'll get together soon one day. Maybe not this year, maybe not next, but we will. It's all in the planning....
hugs hugs hugs.
Jenn
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