I was not a good parent today.

Today was jammed pack. Going going going, still going.
I tried to cram as much in as I could. Filled up 70+ water balloons for class party last night. Found 20+ had melted/popped. Sat and filled 30+ this morning. Hurry. Run. Pack up car. Water. Towels. Balloons. Go Go Go.
Get to the park. It's over 90 degrees. Joseph is melting. Kids. Parents. Water balloons. Derek is pouting. He wants to throw them at his classmates. Teachers have other plans. Other plan looks like fun to me. To him no. He sits all alone. Pouts. I am done. I am thru. I told him "Go sit in the library if you want to" wrong thing I know. Dad nearby turns and sees me. Gives me a look.
Joseph is running around, tired and melting, grumpy.
I have to use the bathroom, there isnt one. I have to be home, showered, changed, put water in the pool, gather my thoughts... Joseph wants to stay. No one is eating the food. Flies are buzzing about. Parents are too hot to even talk.

We get home, put up the pool. Joseph wants in it. He's COVERED in grass. I say no. He goes in anyway. I lose my mind. It's hot. He's tired. I am anxious. WHY WHY WHY?

Life is too jam packed. No time to sit. No time to hang out. I am changing that. Today. I have given my notice at Starbucks. I am planning more do nothing nights. We need it. All this running to fill life up for what? To miss out on the really important things.
Say what you want. I am not happy about being snappy and moody. I am not happy about positions I found myself in. I am not trying to be perfect, just better. My kids deserve it.