...the details....

..it's all in the details isn't it?
My father called while I was out. To apolize maybe. I am not in the mind to call him back.

We were just sitting there, my mom and Joseph were in the other room and out of nowhere he starts in to me about going to school.
"What are you doing this for?"
I was stunned like I had been hit in the forehead.
Please know the following facts.

* I have an AA already that I paid for working full time and taking day and night classes. My mom and dad did not pay for so much as a friggin back pack I did it. I lived under their roof but that was all.
* I have not asked for any help financially or emotionally this time around either.
* They have not had to watch my kids at all this whole semester for these classes.
* They did nothing when I got my AA nothing.

The next thing he said was.
"You're going to take 5 classes next semester"
"Yes" I said "I want to get this done. I am already taking 4 and I think just 1 more wont make that big of a difference." I said.
"What if your kids get sick?" he said
"They just had the chicken pox I'll deal with it" I said
"Well dont neglect them" he said
"Who said I have been neglecting them"
"Tell me how my going to school affects you? Have I asked for any kind of help at all this semester?" I said. My voice shaking and cracky with emotion.

"Dont neglect your husband either that's all I am sayin" he said.
"Who said I was neglecting anyone?"
By now I am boiling because I have no clue where this all came from! I knew he had been drinking. I know how he is. But I was hurt really hurt.

I dont ask them to watch my kids unless I have to. God forbid we ask for any fun time or couple time it just never seems to fit. My mom says it's ok but dad will give me grief and it's not worth it.
They help us out in lots of ways so does this mean that he can talk to me like this?

He had never been a man to provide comfort to me. And let it be known I did not marry a man who is anything at all like him! I almost did but that's another story.

I will not let this pattern repeat. My kids are not going to hear this crap come from me.
I hate that my mother has told me a C is good enough. She has never pushed me to reach any stars least I fail I suppose but sometimes you need to help lift someone up.
There are people who know my folks who will say they mean well or this or that. I am just tired of it. I am doing the best I can in lots of things and I never hear a good word about it and I never have. And it's a big scar and tiny words now just iritate me and the more they pick at me the worse it gets.

It's it I am done with it for today.
He probably has already forgotten what he has said and by 3 he'll too drunk for my taste so there you go.
I'll deal with it tomorrow or let it go I dont know. Today it's eaten too much of me up. It has caused me dark thoughts. But I'll come back around.