Today was a rough one.
I sent Derek back to school. To third grade. Down the street. For six hours. I am the meanest mother on the planet.
This whole chicken pox ordeal has caused the boy to loose about 5 lbs he does not need to loose. So he looked so scrawny. He was struggling with his books and put on a pretty good show for me as he hobbled up to the school. I told him to take his books to his class room but he would not. I lost my mind and got out of the car and took the bag to his classroom for him. Yes I left the car running. Yes I left Joseph in it. Yes it was out of my sight.
His teacher told him he's very behind missing tests blah blah and then "oh yes nice to have him back" he got upset. I told him to have a good day.
I ran out to the car (maybe 150 feet away so not blocks or anything) and it hit me what I had done. The terrible danger I had put Joseph in and I almost threw up. I tell you few times in my life have I felt the Lords work as I did this morning.
So.... I dont know why Derek is the way he is. I am looking deep DEEP into myself for clues. I want to help him. I want him to be happy.
I know my father wasnt always happy with me and my choices my mother either and I heard about them...still do. I know I can hardly every please them. I know my grandmothers were the same way. I want this maddness to stop for my boys.
I will not let my sons suffer too.
So I am sitting her feeling a bit beaten up. Wondering what to do next. All I want to do is Love them and I want that to be enough but I know it's not enough. I want them to be men. To grow up and be great men. Doesnt seem like that much. But it's harder than it looks.
2 comments:
Tammy, stop beating yourself up right now. It is Derek's job to go to school and your job to make sure he does. So you did your job now he must do his. As a parent we always want our children to be happy and that is not always possible. Hope he gains back the 5 pounds quickly!! Do we need to do coffee soon so I can help get you on track??? Love, Aunt Sue
Yes it's true. He has to go to school and his mood/s will pass. He'll get back in the groove but meanwhile, find out how you can help him get back caught up so that isn't making him feel so bad.
You are hard on yourself. Leaving Joseph in the car, maybe not so good but he's ok and I bet you'll never do that again you know? He was ok and you shouldn't let yourself dwell on it.
Wish I was there to help in some way.
Jenn
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