Paradise for me.

When Joseph was approaching a year we prepared for an MRI. He had no idea what was in store for us. The week before the procedure we took a vacation to Monterey. We havent been on one since. That was 2004. No overnight trips to Reno, Vegas, no amusement parks, no trips to Grandmas. Just steady life hammering away at me.

A friend of mine who I know from this community of "moms" with special needs children said that right after Christmas they went to Hawaii. They just packed up and left for 12 days. My eyes glazed over. I could tell she needed it. Her son Charlie now says "ang oose" and "awo-ha" he'll tell you big waves are "skary" and small waves are "big fun" and hold his arms out this wide. He tell you he had "swand in my ewars and in my pwants" and laugh like crazy. My eyes watered. It was just what they needed. No therapy, no speech drills, no doctors, no therapists, no appointments, no PT no OT no speech. They tell you early intervention is key, they tell you OT will help your child live independently I dont doubt it. But they dont tell you it's ok to take a break. But you feel sometimes if you do you'll like it not want to go back to to the hustle of this kind of living. But sometimes you need to recharge. Your battery is low, your fuse is burning out.

I see my husband in the early hours of dawn 4 am we speak for 20 minutes before he's rushing out the door. He comes in after dark at 6 pm and he's all dad, hockey playing, army men, I put my IPOD on and fold load after load of laundry. We steal moments to talk about dentists and bills fun stuff. We pass out reading Curious George in one room and Dragon Rider in the other.

My mother tells me school is too much for me and I should take a break but it's all I have and even it is knee deep in speech and communication disorders and sign language and development. I cant take a break from being Joseph's mom, because I am the one that does it all for him. But if I could take a break from life that would be paradise. Just some time to "ang oose" as Charlie says now. Yes Charlie I am so glad you did it was just what you needed.