Wednesday, April 25, 2007

This child

Some days it's hard to be the mom of a special needs child. Raising children is hard enough. But... for this child... I juggle a lot of things, appointments, fact, figures, schedules, I have books and folders, phone numbers and information some on hard copies some in my head.
It's a fine line for me sometimes to gauge how much of what Joseph does or doesnt do is related to his disability and how much is just him.
It bothers me sometimes when I ask a question of his doctor or therapist about for example potty training and could the trouble he's having mastering this task be related to his hemipleiga . At first I heard them say "no" months pass and I ask again and then they say "yes most defenitaly".

I know they are just helping and I need to trust my gut more on these things.

So yes they have said it could be related and there are tests that can be done to see how much sensation he has and how much control he has but I just cant put him thru that right now. I dont honestly think these test would really help anything at all. I need to just work with him and see if we can get this. They said it's not uncommon for children like Joseph to be two years behind in potty training. My heart sunk a little as it does sometimes when I hear statistics like that about my boy.
And then I kick myself all the way back to the car I dont know who's fault this is, maybe not anyones but today it's all on me. Today it's all about the womb I provided. The stress and worry I had while he was growing and Dominic was in Iraq. Working too much, not asking for help maybe not letting more things go. I can't go back and fix anything I can only do everything I can to make sure Joseph has a good life. No matter what he deserves that much from me.

He'll get this potty training thing. Just like he manages all the other things he does he just has to find his way and I just need to be more patient, he just needs to be more patient. He says "I am a big boy, I am a good helper I can do it" and it puts a lump in my throat every time he says it. He is all of those things and so much more.


val said...

If it makes you feel any better, Nathan keeps going back and forth on potty training. He went for like 3 or 4 days and then an entire 3 without, now it's every now and then. No worries. The boys will get it. My goal is August...hopefully.

Jenn said...

Potty training is hard and every child moves at their own pace just in normal circumstances. I know it's easier said than done but don't get down and don't beat yourself up--it sounds like your sticking to your guns anyway and going to make it work.

It's off and on here too. More off. But he knows. He gets it. He just doesn't want to DO it. So, I let it be his idea.

Joseph will get it. I know he will. And you will be so proud. We all will.