Thursday, July 26, 2007


I am striving for modesty. I am working toward being able to provide a future for my family.
Yes I find I covet they neighbors house, car, vacation, purse.
It's true.
Forgive me father for I have sinned so many times.
I do not covet thy marriage or thy children I am more than happy with my own.

I find that I constantly wrestle with how much is enough?
Is it every enough or as soon as you have enough you find that you need/want more?

How much money is enough?
It seems we never have enough. Enough for a roof over our head and foods in our bellies? Yes than we have enough. Enough for extras like a movie here or there, a nice meal out. Yes sometimes we have enough. Enough to cover the dentist and the auto shop in one week. No. I think we are the plastic generation. We want it and we want it NOW. No saving no waiting just buy it. Pay for it later, get it right now. That is terrible. Because many times I think you'll find if you wait and you save, you might not really need or want it as much as you thought. I am trying to teach my boys that I really am.

The more you get the more you want where does it end? I dont have any answers but I have lots of questions. When will I feel that we have enough. When will I be able to stop worrying about it? When will I be able to buy something for my mom instead of her always buying for me?

I know that my staying home and going back to school and taking care of Joseph on my own is a big part of why we struggle. At the end of the day I am ok with that purses aren't really all that important to me. My boys are pretty happy, pretty healthy ( most of the time) and pretty good boys. I wouldnt trade that for any house in the whole world. So I try to use those thoughts when I lay awake at night instead of "will we have enough" just when we are getting a bit ahead or at a place where we feel that we can maybe get a pet for the boys or join the gym, life throws us an uninsured motorist at us and the need to purchase new car seats and we are sent for a spin and the savings is gone.
I believe in my heart one day we will be more comfortable. Not rich. But we will go from having just enough to more than we need and when that happens so help me I swear I will not forget all of those wonderful people that have always been there for me buying me dinner or movie tickets to cheer me up (Valerie) letting the boys have treats and school clothes, trips to Target and the store (Nana) sending me cards and special gifts (Jenn), buying the lunch and calling it business (Shauna and Roz) I will repay you or play it forward. I swear. When I am able to do that that is when I will feel that I have enough, that is when I will sleep the very best.


Shauna said...

Sometimes it helps to take a step backwards and look at your life as another person. You do have a roof over your head. You have people who love you(other than family-who technically HAVE to love you) and at the end of the day, you have food in your fridge.
I think we all struggle with this, it is not just you. I heard once that we grow up wanting everything that our parents already have. But they worked for years to get it, and we want it now. I am guilty too (remind me to tell you how much 2 new vehicles are going to cost me each month).
Don't let it take an accident in the middle of nowhere to force you to count your blessings and measure your wealth by what you already have. That is what it took for us-and when you consider crashing your car and trailer and losing everything you have at that point-but it happened in Utah. My grandparents were there in an hour, my uncle loaned us truck for 2 weeks so we could get home, etc... although that accident cost us thousands of dollars (on the plastic), we just were so grateful for what we did have.
Sorry-just a little momentary therapy for me.
seriously, so many people love you and although I'd trade some people for a trip to Bermuda, the big man upstairs is trying to teach you a lesson. The sooner you learn what He wants you to learn, the sooner the struggles end. At least that is what I am hoping for.

Anonymous said...

tammy.........ask me sometime about all the struggles I HAD IN MY LIFE. We all have time when we thought the world was come down on us.......I found out in the long run in life it your GOD and family that important......You got a great family. Just keep up what you doing and all the rest will fall in to place.......Love Uncle phil

val said...

I still want a purple corvette with the license plate VALZVET. I will probably never get one, but I think it's fun just thinking I stand the chance. It's all good. I'm quite thankful that I do have a dear old friend named Tammy. I think we are so due to go do something fun. Plans need to be made.

Jenn said...

I'm not going to say what I think. I'm not in the mood to cry today. Yesterday, yes. Tomorrow, maybe but today, I'm done.

I know you get tired of hearing this but just keep your chin up. I swear I swear, me saying this for four years will someday mean something; it has to.

I don't wish for new cars or new thises or thats. Maybe a little but really no. I wish for bigger things and who was it who said, "we all have our 'woe is me factor' don't we?" oh yes, I think it was you and me in a conversation somehow. We do. We all do. I think we are ok.

Hit me later.
Love you.