Saturday, August 04, 2007
Are you there God it's me?
I get it. I mean I got it. I mean I know I am not showing that I got it or get it but I do. And like a child that is mad mad mad that I have to get it. I am throwing a royal tantrum. And I see you God, standing there arms folded, Holy eyebrow raised at me saying to yourself "She so does not get it" and cooking up something to throw at me.
Here's the thing my husband seems to get it and that, oh that, really burns me up. How did he get it before me? That sends me in to inner fits of rage.
Lately I feel more like a 7 year old than a 37 year old.
I am not a patient person. I have none. NONE. I want it and I want it right now and if it's not working I throw the towel,scream and shout and walk away. AWAY. I am done.
Lately I have been short and snappy. Dom says I am his favorite turtle and that makes me grumpy too.
I know that Joseph was sent to us to teach us patience. Derek was a chore for sure but he grew so fast, so fast and he tests me Lord he sure does. But you could see I was getting off pretty easy and I was ready to sit back on my heels and be the parent of an only easy son. But that wasn't going to do oh no. Along came Joe. Along with Joe came his bag of hemiplegia, CP and therapist, doctors, speech and potty training.
I am lucky I have a wonderful team of people to help me and I play nice and it's good.
But you knew I was getting off easy again so you sent Algebra at me. ALGEBRA GOOD GOD. And I learned the key was to be organized, and patient and work each problem out and see each problem to the end. THE END?!
And I spent many a late night holding up a fist to the Heavens in frustration screaming I GET IT.
Almost. I am getting it.
I am trying to stop for a moment and not be so off the cuff and be so snappy. But then I get an email about children at weddings, and a broken lap top and checks that are late coming and going and getting to me and the patience is gone. sigh.
I need to hold my tongue. Not get irritated. I need so see that other people don't think like me (why I have no idea they really all should it would make things a lot easier) and it feels sometimes like I sacrifice too much (not much I am sure but to the 7 year old in me it's truck loads) and it seems like other never ever have to sacrifice anything. (stomp my foot)
So I get it. I have written it down. I shall repeat it often.
I saw this lady at swim class you know the one. A bit older than me. Dressed nicely, simply obviously a career gal, short hair, swam so gracefully. No wrinkle brow, just in her own happy world, said "Well I am going to swim my laps quickly and come home for dinner sweety and help you with that ok? Love you" and hung up her cell.She appeared to have a full life and was balancing it all. I know on the surface it looked that way there could be things deep down but I there was such calmness and happiness about her. That is what I want to be. That is what I want others to see when they look at me.
There can be balance it doesn't have to be all about the kids and the hubby's life's or all about mine. There can be patience and balance in my life. And I honestly wont care ( honestly) wont care, what is in anyone's life but mine.
So now that I have showed that I have gotten it or seem to be on the right road. How about sending me a bit of slack? Give a girl a break? When you get a chance. No hurry. Really. Ok? I'll just wait right here for the break send it on when you get a chance. Is Monday good for you? No really whenever is good.