"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store

Twice in the past four days my husband has called me tight. Tight with money.
Most men I think get mad at their wives for spending too much money. Not mine.
Go figure.

"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!" Said the Grinch.

I too am pretty tired of yet another Christmas were every penny counts and every penny is for the kids and just a few 1/2 pennies for other family members and not one penny for each other. Never can we buy what we really might want to buy for someone only what maybe we can afford. What we can squeeze out. What is on sale. What I have a coupon for. In 13 years of marriage we have had 1 Christmas where we really could just buy whatever we liked. It was nice. It wasn't grand but it was nice. But job changes and me staying home have meant that I pinch and I squeeze. I get it. I do.

So I squeeze and I pinch so he can go to hockey games so he and Derek can have a great time. Yes I was mopey I was home again. Yes they had a great time. Even happy go lucky Joe was happy for them. I was not. What is wrong with me? Spoiled brat me?
Tight me. Others come first it's how it should be. Others feelings and needs are what I am here to meet. That is the purpose and job of a mother. I get it. I'll go sit with it for a bit. Got the message loud and very clear. I'll not mope and be sad about it. What matters is they had a good time. What matters is there will be gifts and a tree for the boys. What matter is we will be together. We have so much more than others I know. I have more than others. I have enough. I dare not covet for more.

I may not leave this up long. These are pretty raw feelings this gray Sunday morning. Might have to just sit with them by myself for a bit. Sorry.