In The Mood

I have been in a bad mood. It started with the money talk. Lordy how I hate the money talk. In the end it ended well so it was not worth the stress.

So we have this guy that is working on a home loan for us. (ya hear the crickets) He's doing something with our stuff. (more crickets) He's had it since November. Dom is not impressed. So this guy wants a letter from us explaining all that has happened to us over the past 5 years. To explain the financial mess no doubt. I could just give him the URL to this blog. But that's probably not a good idea. So we have to sit down and dig deep and relive it all. Not fun. No not at all. No blame. No finger pointing but I am swallowing it all down in big spoonfuls. So is Dom. Caged cats pacing the room. Why did we let this happen? Why did that have to happen? Things we could have done better. Hindsight is never blind. NEVER! The deal is you may wonder gosh if they have such a financial mess are they in any position to buy a home. Well prices in the area are at pretty decent lows and we have an option (at least we think we have an option) for a loan from Fannie Mae because of Joseph's disability, it's just the hoops. I am fine with hoops if I am show the path before hand this blind hoop jumping is what has me crazy.

So then it snowballed for me. I was not a happy girl and I said some MEAN things to Christy (other things that normally would not have ticked me off did and then she just sent a simple happy email and I unleashed) and then I unleashed on a few more victims and then I played some angry music and felt better. But like a storm the damage was done and I had to face the damage and it hurt me. It pained me and I felt worse not better. So Dom put me to bed before I did any more damage thank goodness.

A new day. I left the house all was well, I got things done. Then the sore throat hit me and pissed me off some more. Yes I get it things don't always go my way. I GET IT. (My fist towards heaven once more!)

So I am sitting on it again. I am trying once again to sort it all out. But I feel ugly and naked after all is said and done. Under a microscope so many parts of our lives to this guy who has the magic rubber stamp. All I want is a house without a landlord. I dont want a big house just a house I can paint a wall in if I want or replace the faucet if I want or get my boys a pet without asking if it's alright. If I have to wait a year or 6 more months so be it. I get it. But I find once more I am ASKING and I have a hard time with that. I am done asking for things. For babysitters. For money. More help. I want to do the doing not the asking. Make sense? Maybe not.

I am just not in the mood to explain any of it any more today to anyone.