What do you expect?

** I think I am all over the place here.

I think my mother said once that I expect too much from people. Try as I might I can never lower my expectations. I know when I have not lived up to someones expectations. Bosses. My husband. My friends. My sons. My teachers. I know when I have not given it my all. Done my best. Have fallen short. It makes me feel rotten.
I hate doing a half ass job of things. I hate letting people down.

Some days I am running. To Stockton for my classes. Two hours of class, hit the road back to town. Get the boys. Pick up the house, run to the doctor. Run to the pharmacy. Run, run run. Homework, mine and theres. Clean clothes. Organize things for school.
I am happy with my life. I am happy to be in school. In the end it will be worth it. I think when the boys are sick, when Derek is having trouble breathing it puts me on edge. When I have projects for school I am on edge.
When people let me down, I am on edge.

I intend to do my best. I intend to give you the best. I intend to not fail anyone especially myself and I think in the end what that means I must clearly define who I can count on, who I cannot count on and what exactly I expect of everyone and if my expectations are accurate.

So I am taking my Algebra book and my sick boys to bed. I know I can count on myself. The boys can count on me and Dom and my mom and dad and a few other family members. I am not sure what to expect of anyone else tonight.