I made differnt choices.

I have been a stay at home mom for nearly 10 years now. Off and on. Mostly on.
It has been the hardest thing I have ever done.

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Here's is where I am coming from.
This past week I have had several conversations with several different people who are going through some MAJOR life changes. The underlying statement all of them have made is "I never thought I would be here." Yeah me too.
I never thought I would be a stay at home mom. I am not the product of one. My mom worked. My aunts worked. I just thought I would too. But it didn't turn out that way.
I have put my children's needs before everything else. A job. Vacations. A new house. Time for myself. Time with my husband. Sometimes even sleep. We don't leave them much and we don't leave them for long. We generally enjoy hanging out with them and we generally enjoy seeing things through their eyes.

Today the neighbor next door who has several nice purses and nice clothes and a nice job and just got back from a great vacation, was unable to get her daughter in the car for daycare. Her daughter was screaming "Don't leave me mama"
This has happened to me on my way to class. Not in awhile but it's happened maybe a handful of times. I am sure her daughter just wanted to stay home today. From the looks of the mother I think she was staying home today and was taking the daughter to day care (She does this A lot!) and the daughter wasn't buying it. Why should she? There was a lot of fighting and screaming. (The daughter is 5) It's happened to us. It gives you horrible quilt. But, when you tell me you have to work and see the material things you have I have to question do you really or are you choosing to work so you have these things? Are you working to get away from being a stay at home mom? It's a tough job, not for the weak of heart. I get that.

There are a million things I could say about this mom. About this daughter. But I don't know the whole story. I don't know the real deal. I only know what little I see.

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The mother has told me that she could not be a stay at home mom. She has told me she hates it. On the one hand it's really sad I think. At least she's honest right?

So today she might look at me still in my pj's sharing coffee with a hubby that's still here and hasn't left for his 2 hour commute and be envious. Or she might look at me and hear her screaming daughter and think I am out of my mind. Thinking as soon as she gets.her.in.the.car and drops her off, she'll be free as a bird to go to Starbucks and out to lunch and maybe swing by the mall. La de da. She deserves it after the morning she's had right?
I made different choices and today I must admit I am happy with them.
So I am going to go super glue my broken purse and maybe make some smoothies for the boys and "pretend" we are on some wonderful vacation while we swim at the public pool at the gym and hope the Lender will give us good news and be happy that my boys know right where I am today.