I don't like it when things are out of control. Out of MY control.And I don't want you to help me get control because then I have really failed. I control too much, and yet not enough. If I cant control it, I let it be and see what happens, but that has put me in some truly awful circumstances.
Joseph is getting ready for school. He will have a snack, potty training, a coat and a back pack.
While the classroom he'll be in will be made of a mix of children with disabilities and some without I hate sending him out into a world unprepared. I am going to teach him that the world will not help you (when it does he'll be pleasantly surprised) I want him to always know what and how he's going to do things. I will not expect teachers or aids to help him open his lunch/snack or help him with this coat. So we are working and working and working on these things.
I may be too over the top for Dominic, its easier to just "help" Joseph or to "do it for him" but we aren't always going to be around and all I want for him is to have the "abilities" that everyone else does. As grand as that sounds and as the doctor from children's hospital once said to me "Mom you need to accept he has a disabilities" and I felt the evil look come across my face and then he said "Your unwillingness to accept it will only help him because I can see you aren't gonna let him off easily, but you need to find some small space some place to accept it" I haven't found that space yet, that would be giving up control to the monster and I AM the control freak, not it.
3 comments:
And to add to that, we, two people who usually have a lot of 'control' over the things in our lives, also diversly have no control over the eating in our lives. Why is that? I was thinking about that this afternoon after I read your post. Not to put words in your mouth and maybe I shouldn't but I know that is the case for me. Control in all aspects of my life except with food. Hmmmmm. Or maybe I'm proving I AM in control by doing what I want with regard to food? I don't know; it's too convoluted for me to figure out. Blahst!
Will this be in italics?
Sorry to use your blog as a learning lesson but I figured it out! Yahoooo! I know, I'm a nerd. I'm trying to learn a little bit about HTML and it seems confusing; look how long it's taken me to figure out how to make something into italics!!! Trust me, a LONG TIME.
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