CP Baby

Some days CP is not in our vocabulary. Some days it's not in my radar.
Today is not one of those days.
Joseph has a cold. Poor kid has been sick off and on since the New Year started. Just cant get him well.
When he's sick his arm is tight, his leg drops when he walks. I see it. CP screams at me. Cerebral Palsy here I am. I want to scream back GO AWAY but I cannnot.
I try to imagine when he is older how noticeable it will be. When he's sick or tired he wont be able to hide it. It cant be cured. It cant be controlled with medicine. It cant be fixed. It's there forever.
Today it is really here. He's tired. His nose is runny. He has a splinter in his hand. "Make it better momma. Don't touch it momma." I couldn't get the splinter out. I cant get the CP out. Some days I feel more helpless than others.
I cant make a cold go away. I cant get the splinter out. I cant make his limbs less tight. I can hold him and rub his head, the spot where the stroke is to will blood to flow back to his brain and bring it all back for him. If only.
But no I cant touch it. I cant fix it, that might be the hardest part for me. Aren't mommies suppose to make things better? This mommy isn't having any luck.