You are that number

Have you heard people say "you are not the number on the scale" or people like Suze Oremon (what is her name? you know who I am talking about) saying "you are not your credit score or your back account balance"
I disagree. You are those numbers. You put the food in your mouth. For what ever reason. Maybe you're a stress eater like me. Maybe you eat when your happy. Like me. Maybe you have just gotten to the point that you have fooled yourself into believing that you don't give a crap how you look and or feel and you eat what you want. Fine. Do what you want but take responsibility for it. Those numbers on your scale are a direct reflection of you and your life. Not always fair not always right but that's it.

I have often not been happy with the scale or the check book or the credit score. And yes I can laundry list a million "reason" things are the way they are. I had a second baby, he had a stroke and there is his needs before my own and my husband changed jobs blah blah blah. Bottom line I put the crap in my mouth. I spent the money or managed the money. It's all me baby. I face it. EVERY DAY. There is no blame really in this house. I don't blame Dom he doesn't blame me. We are in this together and for the long haul.

I know I have done my share of woe is me I think we all need pity party's every now and then. And others don't like or think my life is really all that rough and we all have our woe is me point. I do not begrudge you because you have suffered very little woe, sometimes I think you would not be able to handle it. Other amaze me daily at what they raise above and accomplish. I think in their shoes I would have just jumped off a bridge long ago. But no one really knows how another person is going to handle life and far be it to say how anyone "should" handle life just take responsiblity for it. Stand up and say "I did the best I could at the time when this happened, here I am"

I manage my calories. I manage my liquor intake responsibility and I manage my money.
I dare not say "it's not my fault" I might not be happy with that at the end of the day with what I have done but I think when the numbers swing in a direction that suits me better I will be happy to say I did it. I fixed it, I changed it and you can too.

Where this all came from I am not sure. Several different conversations with a few different people today. I was at pretty low points a time or two in my life for sure. We all have them. When I don't know what to do I do nothing. I tread water. It keeps me from making HUGE mistakes. This much I have learned in life.
Lack of sleep, lack of companionship, lack of communication and lack of really believing that you are the captain of your own ship, the controller of your own destiny can make things go horribly wrong really fast. This much I have learned in my 37 years and I learned them they very hardest way.