Jenn... crazy Jenn. She went and thanked her husband for the flowers that he sent her. He didn't send them. She didn't get any flowers. But she led him on all day. She played that she didn't know who sent them and they must have been from him to thank her for all she does. He said "no but who you got on the side sending you flowers?" the dance went back and forth. Wild evil fun for Jenn. He admitted that she deserved them but they were not from him. The dance lasted till she spilled the beans that she had not received any flowers.
I played that game once. I don't remember how I played it and I don't think I played it as well as she did but it backfired on me. I spent the rest of the day hearing about how Dom felt bad that he never sent me flowers and how I deserved better (this was long before we had kids) and instead of him saying "yes you do deserve them" or heck even going out and getting them I think I went and did something to make him feel better after saying such a mean thing to cheer him up which pissed me off even more. Not that he learned he still doesn't send flowers. Back then I didn't deserve them. But who does really? I mean I gave birth to the children I am responsible to care for them and the house it's my "job" it's my privilege to be a mom. I don't need a medal. Just get it done. Right?
While it would be nice to be shown how much I am appreciated every now and than I believe that my time is coming.
My boys will not learn the fine example of how to show a woman how much you appreciate her from daddy. Derek is already slipping. That, like everything else, is my job. I tell the boys to remember this "Sometimes a girl just needs flowers. Jewelery always makes a nice gift and make sure you always tell her she smells nice when she comes out of the bath or shower" they got it. And while I don't get flowers or cards or gifts or jewelery they always tell me I smell good after a bath. (I don't take bath's all that often)
I get sloppy kisses and lots of hugs and in the end what more could you ask for....well maybe that fancy soap dispenser.
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I know. Dumb. Immature. Silly. I know. I know. I know. But good LORD you try to give them hints and then you think well hell maybe I just don't deserve a simple thank you let alone flowers. Maybe it means I'm a horrible wife. A horrible person who does nothing right. You know, we women sometimes can go there. And don't tell me you don't because you are probably fibbing. We need to hear "hey thanks for all you do" when it's not an occasion. Out of the blue. Here's a little secret guys, IT MAKES US WANT TO DO MORE, BE BETTER, GIVE MORE LOVE, BE MORE OPEN AND BE MORE TOLERANT OF THE THINGS YOU DO THAT TICK US OFF! But hey, this is just me. So this morning I drove the Oldest to school with his project so not to mess up on the bus. I took the Littlest too. I figured he'd start getting ready with his free time and get to work early. I walk back in the door with the Littlest to find him still not showered or ready and I go off. Poor him. I admit, I should have zipped it. What was he DOING anyway, sitting there watching TV with a kid free and wife free house? Hmph! But no. Guess what he was doing while we were gone? Washing the dishes, picking up the toys, and in general picking up the house. Whammo. I knew I was wrong for thinking what I was thinking and making that comment when we walked in but the sickness of it all is that I didn't want to say thank you to him because he's always supposed to be doing that stuff with me; 50/50 you know? I made some comments last night and I know that's why he did what he did this morning. Am I grateful? Hell ya. So grateful. I wanted to hug him. But I didn't. Why? Because I didn't want to show him all my cards cause then he'd think he doens't have to do that for another couple/three weeks again. Around here when he helps with one thing (like giving a bath to the Littles) that doesn't occur again for weeks that one thing he did if ever. So if I don't thank him and overly show my gratitude it's partly pride and partly sick and twisted mind games. I will thank him. I will. But I'm giving it a minute. And I'll also thank him in my own way too in addition to verbally thanking him. ;-). I'm not a bad person. I'm not. Really. It's just hard to function when you are the one driving everything, getting it all done and then you know, you can only take so much before you hit the wall. My wall has been hit, it's behind me, I went right through it.
Venting. Venting. Venting to the world. Any of you guys out there, perk up, listen, learn a tiny something just tiny. Maybe you think I am a lunatic and maybe I am. But you know what? I'm a lunatic who just needs a simple spontaneous thank you, a spontaneous something. Anything. A need for some motivation other than from me, some drive to take control and help out. Call me crazy. That's me. Wild Jenn. Whoo Hoo. I know, I'm out there.
I wonder if tables were turned how crazy the guys would be called for thinking this? I rest my case.
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