Five Years

You know how you just never forget certain dates? Where you were. What you were doing? You can recall vivid details they all just rush back to you on those dates. You find yourself bracing for it like a wave from the ocean...here it comes...ready.... hold your breath...it's crashing.

I can't put my finger on it some times but I feel these emotions and I get upset and it's all churning and tumbling...then it hits me. It's been 5 years. Of course.

Five years ago Lucas left this earth to be with God. Five years ago his little life was cut short. He left behind his mother and father, older brother and aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends.

Five years and yet I remember the day like it was yesterday. Joseph was a newborn, asleep in his car seat from picking up big brother from school. I was following the struggle from 3000 miles away and I prayed for Lucas. I prayed for Jenn. It was coming. We saw it, Jenn prepared us for it and yet it still hit me when it did. He was gone. Lucas had passed away. In the arms of his parents. Take my breath away. I grabbed Joseph and held him so tight he woke. Dom drive into the garage still in his National Guard uniform, just a few weeks back from Iraq. I put Joseph in his arms and told him to hold him and never let him go. I grabbed Derek and held him too.

Our boys were still here. We could still hold him Dom was here he could hold them. Lucas was gone.

Dom was instantly mad at God. His prayers from his dinner tray in Iraq were not answered. Why? Why had this happened to Lucas? To Noah? To Jenn and Ivan?

I had no answers only that I believed (and still do) that God was with them that night to help them. God is with Lucas and Jenn and Ivan and Noah and now Jacob will be with Lucas one day and they will all be together in Heaven as they should be here on earth.

Maybe my bad mood today was from these nagging feeling in me that something was not right in the world. That something was missing. Of course Lucas we miss you. I never held you but one day on the phone when your momma told me there was something wrong with your heart and I felt my knees buckle a little, I heard you babble and coo in the background. I remember that day.

Jenn and I are 3000 miles apart. We are different people in so many ways. Have been through so much. We're mom's now. We have suffered this and that yet we have managed to still be friends. For that I am grateful. Today I am sad for you my friend. Today I remember Lucas too, you knew I would not forget and I never will.
love ya Boom Boom.