Harder than you think.

My Aunt, my dear Aunt said tonight "God never gives you more than you can handle."
I certainly feel he's pretty aware of what I am capable of. Needless to say sometimes it's not a test. It's not about what you can handle. I don't think God give us these things. I think God is there to help you. I think God is by your side to help with the heavy lifting. You just have to go to him and ask for the help. I don't think I ask God why he gave me this or that to carry. I don't see him that way.
I mean no disrespect it's just my view and my relationship with God.


It's hard for me to sit still tonight. Hard for me to think straight. Everything is so so off.
I rub Stella. My Stella. The dog that I love so so much and yet Dom hates just as much if not more. I get my love of animals from my dad's side of the family.
Tonight those floppy fuzzy ears comfort me.

My dad came through surgery well. He'll be in ICU tonight and stay this time for 7 - 10 days to recover and be monitored more closely.
I have no idea how he's going to feel about that. Hopefully he'll start feeling well enough to feel better and this recovery will be easier I hope.
My mom is exhausted. Not sleeping much. Waiting on my dad. Worrying about everything.

It's always hard for me when I don't have anything do. I need a task to concentrate on. I mean I certainly have plenty to do around here with the boys and homework and laundry. But Those mundane task are always here and I go through the motions not thinking and yet doing nothing but thinking. When I am giving a helpful task to do it helps me. Go buy Pajama's. Check I am on it. Hunt down some peaches in a cup. I am on it. Load songs on the iPod for my dad to listen to. Got that too.
Tonight I am just rubbing Stella's ears. It calms me. It helps me think straight on this crocked night.