Wednesday, December 09, 2009

I think... I wish... I know.. I want...better than me.

I think that some times you really need to sit down and have a good pity party every now and then. It's good to look up and see and count your blessings you get a better view when you're sitting on the floor.

I wish that Cerebral Palsy was not in our lives. I wish Joseph never had to have had a stroke. That hemiplegia, left frontal lobe, IEP, SST , OT , PT and all the other words that fly out of mouths never had to.

I wish the boy across the street fighting the brave fight, hair gone, color off didn't have to go in the day before Christmas eve for a procedure. I wish a 6 year old boy only had to be brave to fight monsters under the bed or maybe a dark hall way never cancer, needles and medicine that makes him sick but he says they will make him better even if they make him feel worse.

I can open packages and juice boxes and shampoo bottles, toothpaste tubes and pull on pants and socks and get shoes with velcro. I can make him do it when he doesn't want to and we both know it will be faster if I do it. I want him to be "functioning" for whatever that means today, tomorrow the rest of his life. Can he tie a shoe with one hand? Can you?
Can you put toothpaste on your tooth brush with one hand? Pull up your pants, put on a coat, throw a baseball.
For all the things he does the way he manages to do them he will always be...better than me and I will always search and find and study and fight to be better for him.

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