Monday, March 08, 2010

Excuse me while I figure this out.

I have never had a son with specials needs. But here I am learning as I go along. I think it's hard enough to raise a child but then throw in the mixed bag we have with Joe and I sometimes I making it up as I go along. I am. Me. Me. Most of the time me alone. All by myself. Dom can't help it, and I hear him lament how he wishes he was more involved and he really is as much as he can be but the day to day things and the dealings with the school and teachers and therapists and most doctors it's all me honey.

So the word on the street was that Joe was sort of attacked and I as the momma bear rescued him. Wasn't really how I saw it but it was how the other two moms in the room saw it. They said I acted gracefully and did more than they thought they could. They said it was a situation I just could not win. Totally not how I saw it at the time but I was acting with the fight or flight defense. My boy was lost confused and upset and maybe I am teaching him that I will always rescue him when he's lost and confused but isn't that what moms are for? There will be a time for him to learn to care for himself. I get that. But there is a reason we care for our young far longer than animals in the wild. Get it? I want him to always feel that I am there for him. That no matter what Mom has got his back. No question. I will not ever leave him there to cry and be confused feeling that he has done something wrong when he has not.

He is quick to cry at home now. Whining and clingy. Stomach aches. We keep thinking he's coming down with something but that's not the case. He's anxious that he's going to mess up. I hate that.

So I want to meet with her, tell her my feelings about Friday. Tried to talk to the principal but that turned around on me.

I would like to crawl into bed and pull the covers up over my head. But I won't my boys need me. So up an at them I go and keep an eye on them and I am there for them. If nothing else maybe I'll teach them and show them how to always have a voice.

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