Saturday, September 01, 2007
I believe there is a God. I believe there is a Heaven. I believe we all meet up again. I believe it is a peaceful place. I believe it is unlike anything we can imagine or describe.
I do not have the faith that others have. I stand on shakey ground.
But to not believe in God, to not believe that there is a heaven means Jenn will never see her Lucas again and I will never see my Aunt and my Grandmother and all of those that have gone before me or will go before me and I cannot imagine that.
Today I am sad and melancholy. The boys,Dom and I are sick just staying in trying to "feel better" there must be something that will makes us feel better?
Congestion, stuffy heads, sad hearts.
I just don't want to be sad any more. I know time will help.
I think the words that Deacon Ryan said at my grandmothers funeral really summed it up the best. My Grandmother left a legacy in her boys and her daughters of good honest people. I look around and I see that we take pride in our appearance and our manners. We are respectful and decent people. Not perfect just decent. We come to the aid of others, we contribute and give back to our community and our society when we can we help to lift those around us up. What more could any mother hope for?
I often say I may never own a Coach purse, my grandmother certainly did not, not that she ever cared to heck she didn't even ever own her own home and maybe I wont either. But if Dom and I leave behind good, decent boys and the legacy of Dom's wonderful grandparents and my wonderful grandparents and parents and aunts and uncles than that is a priceless gift.
The past week has been difficult for my boys too. Derek has questions he understands that people die he said he was sad because Grandma was always so nice to him and gave him hugs. Joseph is confused that Auntie and Nana are so sad and he wants them to feel better. Yes I do to. Then we add to it that Mama is sad and now we are all sick. But I think the functions they went they were pretty well behaved. My cousins children were well behaved so I am hopeful my grandmothers legacy is continuing.