Telling a great joke.

I grew up with some great story tellers. I love the stories my family tells of when they were young. When my uncle threw the bowl of ice cream at my other uncle. I love those memories of growing up in a house full of people on the corner of 10th and Tracy Blvd.
Dom and I tell the boys stories of our grandparents and of when we were little. Our favorite thing is when the boys will ask us 'How was your day' and we tell them about something that happened at school. Like the boy that dropped his whole lunch in Danner Hall and the fries went flying and the ranch went everywhere and it was funny but sad and we all just sort of stopped and stared as the chicken was almost moving in slow motion. Derek loved that one. Dom tells stories of falls and trips and safety movies that should be made but aren't from around work.
Derek writes great stories and even won an award at school a few weeks ago. (where does he get that from ? wink wink)
So.. my speech class bothers me. On a grand scale it kills me. So many things about it kill me. Oh So Many. For example people being unprepared. If you're a good bull shit er (as I am, thank you) I mean can really pull something off the cuff then good go up there and go for it. But if you're not then you need to practice. If you get up there and say "THERE ARE FOUR THINGS THAT SHOW THAT YOU HAVE GOOD SELF ESTEEM AND THEY ARE..." and then you stop and have to look them up. I mean my God, you can't remember 4 things? You cannot take a moment and memorize those four things? Did you prepare at all? I am not good at memorizing things either. Dom and Derek they can memorize things for plays and facts etc,. Not me. Just let me familiarize myself and I'll get the point across. Which is why poems and scripts things like that kill me. Can't do it. So when I have MAIN points or ideas I am not sure I am going to remember I either only hit on half of them like 2 instead of 4, or I make sure I KNOW them. It ruins the speech and frankly I check out it and takes a lot for you to get me back in.
There are great speakers out there. People you just love to hear them. Robin Williams is great. Yes even Obama is a great speaker. You might not like what he's saying but he's a great speaker. Al Gore is great. Bush, sigh not so great. Tony Robbins, great speaker. So many I mean the list is huge. Martin Luther King Jr, a great speaker. You are engaged, you listen, it isn't hard to listen to them. Turn over to a really great Christian radio station, you will hear some great speakers. Not all and not all the time but you'll hear some. Again maybe the content is not to your liking but you will find they draw you in, you stay , you listen. The story is good. The speech is good.

So we have had to tell jokes as comic relief in between speakers. Most of the time no one has any good jokes. The beauty of a good joke is the delivery.
Slow down. Make sure you have every one's attention. Make sure you know the joke. Then pause.... wait for it... then deliver the punch line. And for the love of GOD make sure you have the punch line right. When it's wrong your whole joke is bad.
There have been some really great jokes ruined because the people messed the punch line up. sigh.
So it's my turn next week. I am torn between a really great joke and a really great story. We'll see.
You got any great, clean, mix company jokes?
Here is a sample of what I heard today...

What is a trees favorite kind of soda? (yes the boy that told this joke had it written down and read if off the paper) Root beer (then he rushed into the punch line. But overall not a bad joke)

When a deaf person goes to court is it still called a hearing? (This girl did great!)

How do you make a blond commit suicide? You put a scratch and sniff sticker in a swimming pool. (No No No it goes you put a scratch and sniff sticker on the BOTTOM of the pool! Get it? Other wise it doesn't really make any sense) UGH!

What is the best way to catch a fish? You have your friend throw it to you. (This was Derek's joke and I gave it to a girl in class who messed it up and said "You have a friend catch it. What? I swear she's on drugs half the damn time)

So you see my frustration?
I might tell the story about Jenn and the soda exploding in her car. That is indeed a good one. The story of the little girl asking me not to set the timer on the microwave because the time on the microwave goes fast. But it's a simple bunch and I have to really be careful. Nice clean, simple jokes. So help me out. You have any great jokes. Give them to me. You don't have to stand up in front of everyone and give it. Just leave them in the comments or email them to me to share.